Chapter 126 – Back Online!

2 08 2009


Hello again! Remember me?

It’s a long time since I’ve been able to blog, since my computer broke down about a month ago, and I’ve only just had it fixed.

It’s been weird not having access to the Internet for a while, but I think it’s probably done me some good. I’ve been out the house more, anyway.

My brother invited me along to see a football game with some of his friends last week. He said I ought to be less of a shut-in. I didn’t really appreciate being called a shut-in, but I went along anyway. He meant well, and it was nice of him to buy me a ticket.

When I was a little girl, I used to love watching football. I never liked playing it. Somehow, I never liked the effort involved in running around a field. And I never had the hand-eye co-ordination for it, either.

Anyway, it was good fun watching a live game again. We lost, 2-1, which was a bit disappointing, but it was fun to go along and cheer on our team.

You’ll never guess who was in the stands, one row in front, right next to where I was sat. The artist guy from the lake! At first I wasn’t sure whether it was really him or not, but then he turned around during half time and it was definitely him. He seemed friendly, so I mentioned that I’d seen him at the lake, and we ended up conversing. His name is François, he’s an artist, just like I guessed, but that’s just his hobby. Anyway, he turned out to be a really nice guy, and he offered to buy us a drink after the game.

So while we were at the bar, drinking our commiseratory drinks, he mentioned that he was in the business of computer maintenance. My brother commented about my broken computer, and François said he’d have look at it and repair it for a low price if I liked. So of course I said yes, and he came round the following day. He fixed it in no time at all!

I’ve been doing some thinking, lately, about who I am and how true I am to myself. And I’ve realised – maybe my brother’s been right all along. Maybe I’m not well. But I still don’t want to see a doctor.

I’m so often apathetic, but I know I’m not depressed, or I’d feel more upset. I don’t really eat enough, but I know I’m not anorexic, because I’m fine with my image and I know it’s not healthy to go without food; I just sometimes forget to eat. I often have trouble getting to sleep, but I don’t think I qualify as an insomniac. There’s always something – some noise, or something on my mind.

I know, this is stupid. And stupidity isn’t a disease. But my brother is right in one regard – this isn’t how I’m supposed to be. I’m going to change, starting from now.


Chapter 123 – Sunlight

11 04 2009


It was very sunny this morning. I went down to the lake again. Plenty of ducks, three swans, if you’re curious.

The man I mentioned in my last post was there again today. That’s the second time I’ve seen him there. He was sat on the bench with a notebook. He looked like he was sketching the lake. I wonder if he’s an artist?

Lately it’s been so bright and sunny. It’s really nice. It really feels like summer already. Much as I love the rain, nothing beats the warm sensation of sunlight on the skin. It’s the perfect weather for sitting outside and drinking in the sounds of nature.

Chapter 108 – Watching the Water

19 03 2009


There are no ducks at the lake this morning. No swans or geese, either. So really, I’m just watching the water.

It’s not doing very much.

That’s what I wrote in my notebook.

I think my brother is worried about me. He keeps telling me that he thinks I’m not well, and that I should see a doctor. But I’m fine. I’m not ill at all.

There are water spiders skating about on the surface. When they move fast, they create ripples that spread out across the water.

Every slight action has a consequence. Trying to go through life without leaving a mark is like trying to walk on wet sand without leaving a footprint.

I look up. There’s a man on the bench on the other side of the lake. He’s also watching the water. I wonder why he’s there. How long has he been there?

We are surrounded by strangers. There are people everywhere. Every moment when a stranger crosses your line of sight, you are seeing a still from someone else’s movie. A brief glimpse of a life every bit as interesting and detailed as your own. And the chances are that you will never see them again.

The man is standing up, starting to leave. He sees me looking, waves cheerfully. I wave back. I can feel myself blushing. I turn back to my notebook. Out the corner of my eye, I see him walking away.

There are billions of people in the world, and each of them has a story to tell. Yet nobody ever hears any story in full, except for the story of themselves.

It’s starting to rain. I can feel the drops on my face. I can see the ripples on the water where the raindrops fall.

I put the notebook away at that point. It was getting wet.