Chapter 126 – the rant

2 08 2009

I planned for Honorine’s life to develop in this manner, but I never imagined how much I’d sympathise with her.  The word “shut-in” hit home rather harder than I could have predicted it would.

You know what I really dislike?  When an author starts a story and then abandons it midway, betraying the readers in the process.

I screwed up.  I honestly don’t know what happened.  I wouldn’t blame you if you thought I’d given up on this story, because you have only my word – and you do have my word – that I didn’t.

Lately, I’ve just lost touch with everything, and everyone.  I haven’t been playing guitar, I haven’t been playing piano, haven’t been reading; I’ve lost contact with people, online and even somewhat offline, and not realised how long it’s been until, well, now.  Offline, I have the lame excuse that I have no money and no job, but online I don’t even have that.

There are so many things I should have blogged, but didn’t.  At the moment I find myself very much sympathising with sulz, who I only just learned is stopping blogging indefinitely.  I don’t have her excuses, but like sulz, somehow my heart just hasn’t been in writing lately.

I read a post on Museditions’ blog earlier which I think has made me realise my problem: I’ve been wanting to blog out of necessity – that is, desire to complete the story – but I have had little interest in the blogging itself.

For this reason,I’m not going to insult your intelligence as readers by making more promises.  The fact is, I don’t know if I’ll update regularly.  I am clearly not reliable.  I hate myself so much for this, but I think it’s one of those things I need to face up to.  Of course, I’ll try to update regularly.  But, well, I’m a hypocrite.

And I’m tired, so I need to wrap this post up, but I think I should mention:

Brüno and The Half-Blood Prince

I’ve been to the cinema twice since I last posted.  I went with friends to see Brüno, and I went with my family to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (well, it would hardly have been the other way around!).

That’s right, innocent little Bobby G watched Brüno.  And for the most part, I was entertained by it, although it was extremely crass in places.  It’s a mark of how jaded the Internet has left me that the only thing that really shocked me in the movie was the attitudes of the stage parents.  Oh, and the fact that he was still alive after that comment about Osama bin Laden.  (Oh good grief, I think I lost my innocence to imageboards! 😦 )

I don’t know why I even joked about that.  It seriously bothers me that I’m not as innocent as I was.  That’s my personality I’m losing.

I had been extremely apprehensive about this new Harry Potter film, and I was especially upset to learn that it left out Luna’s commentary scene, which is the best moment in the entire series, but I was pleasantly surprised by the film.  They didn’t have the commentary scene, but it was nevertheless an excellent adaptation of the novel, and possibly my favourite Harry Potter movie so far.  The acting was a lot better than that of the previous film, which certainly helped.  The characters were very convincing this time around; Malfoy, Luna, Slughorn and Lavender really were Malfoy, Luna, Slughorn and Lavender.  There was something a little odd about hearing Harry say the word “tosser”, but he is supposed to be sixteen by this point (of course, he looks a deal older).  If you haven’t seen it, I definitely recommend this movie.

Goodness, I’m tired.  I have no idea how I’ll be up in good time tomorrow at this rate.  It’s 3:20 already.

Goodnight!

Current listening: S Club 7, “Don’t Stop Movin'”





Chapter 126 – Back Online!

2 08 2009

(honorineblanchard)

Hello again! Remember me?

It’s a long time since I’ve been able to blog, since my computer broke down about a month ago, and I’ve only just had it fixed.

It’s been weird not having access to the Internet for a while, but I think it’s probably done me some good. I’ve been out the house more, anyway.

My brother invited me along to see a football game with some of his friends last week. He said I ought to be less of a shut-in. I didn’t really appreciate being called a shut-in, but I went along anyway. He meant well, and it was nice of him to buy me a ticket.

When I was a little girl, I used to love watching football. I never liked playing it. Somehow, I never liked the effort involved in running around a field. And I never had the hand-eye co-ordination for it, either.

Anyway, it was good fun watching a live game again. We lost, 2-1, which was a bit disappointing, but it was fun to go along and cheer on our team.

You’ll never guess who was in the stands, one row in front, right next to where I was sat. The artist guy from the lake! At first I wasn’t sure whether it was really him or not, but then he turned around during half time and it was definitely him. He seemed friendly, so I mentioned that I’d seen him at the lake, and we ended up conversing. His name is François, he’s an artist, just like I guessed, but that’s just his hobby. Anyway, he turned out to be a really nice guy, and he offered to buy us a drink after the game.

So while we were at the bar, drinking our commiseratory drinks, he mentioned that he was in the business of computer maintenance. My brother commented about my broken computer, and François said he’d have look at it and repair it for a low price if I liked. So of course I said yes, and he came round the following day. He fixed it in no time at all!

I’ve been doing some thinking, lately, about who I am and how true I am to myself. And I’ve realised – maybe my brother’s been right all along. Maybe I’m not well. But I still don’t want to see a doctor.

I’m so often apathetic, but I know I’m not depressed, or I’d feel more upset. I don’t really eat enough, but I know I’m not anorexic, because I’m fine with my image and I know it’s not healthy to go without food; I just sometimes forget to eat. I often have trouble getting to sleep, but I don’t think I qualify as an insomniac. There’s always something – some noise, or something on my mind.

I know, this is stupid. And stupidity isn’t a disease. But my brother is right in one regard – this isn’t how I’m supposed to be. I’m going to change, starting from now.