A little known disease is running rampant in our society. Sufferers can experience its unpleasant effects at any time, anywhere. It is known as Social Awkwardness (scientifically, Lonelium doofus).
Social Awkwardness affects people of all nations, of all body types, and from all walks of life. There is no known cure, although if the symptoms are recognised most of the ill effects can be alleviated.
The following are symptoms of Social Awkwardness:
- The subject feels confused when placed in a social setting. This may be expressed in the form of panic attacks or nervous breakdowns, but most commonly takes the form of a perpetually bewildered expression.
- The subject may be at a loss for words when confronted with a perfectly normal situation. When the subject does say something, it will likely be embarrassingly personal, vague and mumbled, or a non sequitur. This will probably be met with a long, awkward silence.
- The room will mysteriously fall silent the moment the subject speaks, allowing every individual in the vicinity of the subject to hear the subject’s latest faux pas.
- The subject will exhibit clumsiness and apparent carelessness, despite the subject’s best efforts to appear a normally functioning human being. Crashing into tables and stumbling are common.
- The subject will have difficulty in starting a conversation. The subject will mostly likely choose a trivial topic of conversation such as the weather, or a topic which is of interest only to the subject, such as an obscure or unfashionable band.
- In extreme cases, the subject will be utterly rejected by the subject’s peers. If this happens, the only hope for the subject is relocation to an entirely new area.
If you or anyone you know exhibits two or more of these symptoms, that person may be suffering from Social Awkwardness. Professional help is recommended.
Alternatively, contact Dr. C. AreGatheringOverMe for sympathy and understanding.